~~!

It has been brought to my attention that people specualte me in some sort of confuzzled light. It seems people think I am some what different here than in real life, I'm a little self centred or that .. I dno >insert something just as annoyingly untrue that's kinda hurtful<

Example:

how come you are so different on the net to in person.. I mean.. is it because most people don't know you and they probably don't give a damn so you feel you can release yourself.. or is it just all an act type of thing

How come? Does it seem as if I haven't posted too much lately? correcto? It's because nothing majorly fucked up has really happened lately. You people make it sound as if I consciously think "oritey, i gotta change my personality now and make everyone think I'm some kind of nutcase. Of course, they don't know everything that's going on, so i won't tell them and make them think I'm talking about them and that I want their sympathy. Hmm, how can i offend as many people as possible in the fewest words?" yeah, THAT'S how it goes. As if you CAN'T see me saying this stuff to you. I can see me saying this to you. Of course, there are some things I can't see myself saying to anyone, and that is because I haven't. I wrote it here, you're the ones who read it. Meaning, should I be the one at fault for posting it, or you for reading it?

Another example:

i have to agree with ainslees comment on ur site you think that ur the poor little invalid that no body likes and that we should all have pity on this poor little girl who gets left out.

I have to disagree with you on that one. I could go on using the whole
you-don't-know-what-I've-been-through thing again, but I won't. Would you like me to illustrate a picture for you all to see? Here:

One day you come home from school. you're tired and irritated. You got up at 6:30 that morning and sleep's the only thing on your mind, but you can't. You can't because you have a whole stack of homework to complete. So you go to do it, but you can't concentrate because your parents are having a screaming contest with your brother. yet again. about nothing much. So your half done homework is put off while you trudge off to your parents milkbar to help out while your parents can do something else. just a break for them coz it can be a little stressful, not to mention tiring to work 12 hours+ a day. When you get there, a large man abuses you about the prices of the stock. Customer's always right. So after that, you trudge back to do your homework, when you realise you can't concentrate because of your mother's screams... So you jump onto the computer to let out steam because what CAN you do? so you try and talk to someone about it, but then it turns out they're too busy to talk to you. you find that people don't want to hear what you say. you find that everyone's left and there's no one to turn to. So you type it all into your blog. then you get fired from all sides saying it's somewhat inhumane or some shit to publish that kinda stuff. You find that everyone has this vision of the perfect persona nd if you don't fit into that category, you need halp or someone to talk to. no. you don't need someone to talk to. you just need to let it out and it just helps if there's someone on the other side.

Can you people see where I'm coming from? Where do you get the idea that I make things up? Do you think I think you want to read a page full of swear words? Do you think I'm here for your entertainment? Do you think that by not visiting my blog and indirectly talking to me through other people's blogs is gonna get us anywhere? Well, if you want to know, it's over now so you probably won't be getting an eyeful of swear words for a while. Maybe. Just maybe, if you have a problem with what I say here, you could ask me here, rather then posting on someone else's blog and hope that I will stumble over it.

So I just wanted to clear that all up and put it behind me/us. I don't see the point in going back to whatever we're talking about and just move on. I thought we had. But then I looked at Ains's blog. Oh and on that note, since blogging has suddenly become cool or soemthing, I'm not gonna post again, unless need be.

have a nice time,

Kimo.

Warning: it's my blog.

i'm posting for the sake of posting.

What's happenin', yo? [wth, that doesn't even make sense!]

You know what i don't get? The whole, "let's release black or white smoke so that people will know when we've gotten a new pope". wtf? Why didn't they just get some person to walk out and say, yeah mate, you know, it's gonna take a little longer.. and I mean, the black and the white smoke looked the same anyway! [i've stopped doing the double exclamations coz they make me look comical. pshhhh, me? comical?!] And he's like, 78! hahaha, anyone watch the shambles the other night?! I love that show. They like, dressed up as the pope and "interviewed" him, and they're like: what would you like to be in 10 years? Alive. Describe yourself in 2 words: The Pope. BAHAHAHAHA, well I found it amusing. hahaha, for those who did [or didn't] see the shambles, did you see when they were going around the city to random people? Question: If you could be anyone in history, dead or alive, who would you be? [bald guy with beard] did you know your hair fell to your chin? [some school chick] "the toothfairy." The toothfairy?! What, do you have a lot of loose change you want to get rid of? hahaha ha hah.. Well >I< thought it was funny.

Anyway, you know what else, religiously related that is annoying me?! How people think that God's trying to send them some sort of message through cracks in the wall, pieces of toast and whatever bullshit, they wanna try and convince themselves with. As in. That "virgin mary" which was actually just a crack in some wall in the middle of some place. it looked like a mouldy wall that needed to be fixed coz it was leaking, causing the faint colour of the crack. Jeeeeez. i mean, what the hell?! What about that piece of toast or bread or something that looked like Mary. Ooo, let's all worship some BREAD! wooo, we certainly are the intelligent race.

Well. enough of religion.

hmm, anyone know how to draw blood? as in drawing with a pencil, not drawing as in taking it out and doing stuff with your blood...

Anyway. mmm, lag. I've finished my preface, if anyone wanted to know. I know you all do. You know. I went to the optometrist today and i dno for what reason, but the lady gave me a pair of daily contacts to wear, so I'm just like, umm ok, sure and then she's like, yeah, nothing's wrong with the glasses you have at the moment since your eyes haven't changed since last time. so i'm like, yeha, cool. so why do i have contacts in? Well. omg, have you ever been to the optometrists? I was actually scared of going today coz i didn't want my eyes to change coz that means a change of lenses [$200] and well obviously, a change of eye sight. [Left:6; Right:7] not good.. and anyway. U know how they do the whole, which one's clearer: this one, or this one. the green or the red? Well, is there a right and a wrong? coz i've gone: umm.. the red? her:..are you sure? about the same? me: ...umm. i dno. : / And that wasn't it. she shows me the same thing [well I think they were] but just darker. and then she's like, which one's more clearer? I'm just sitting there, thinking. they're the same! I even said that, and she said:..are you sure? am i sure?! no! i'm not sure at all! stop asking me! :s

phewww. So stressful sometimes.

omg. the ring 2. If you don't wanna know what happens [really. NOT that much] or, if you'd like to get scared by it's mighty scariness in the near future, then don't read the next paragraph:
Well. the ring 2. I went into the empty cinema [maybe i should have walked right out and asked for a refund at that point]. Well, as i said, I walked into the empty cinema with my friend [which is technically not empty anymore..] yeah and we got the whole cinema to ourselves coz other people just don't go to the cinema at 11 in the morning to watch the ring 2. Nayway, [haha, nayway] i went into the cinema, knowing full well i won't find it too scary, but i was open minded. Well, it was scary at bits, but only coz the people were ugly. hahaha, that's quite mean, actually. that's like saying, any kid with black hair over her face is evil and you should drown her. or something. to tell you the truth, i have no idea what the hell the plot was. I mean, it started off all spooky coz some guy melted or something, well not exactly, but that was more graphic than the movie was. all they fricken showed was some guy who was scared-> static-> water coming from nowhere-> dead guy in ambulance with stupid look on his face. geeeeeez. there's a lot of guesswork involved in such a dumb film. Anyway, what I wanna know, is why didn't the lady just throw out the tv if people kept crawling out of it?! hahaha, i love saying that.

ok, here's what i got out of the plot: boy watches video->boy dies-> lady comes from nowhere with son and gets rid of video-> son has nightmare and is suddenly taken over by a ghost-> blur-> oh yeah, simon baker's in the movie!-> kid gets freaky. even more so than he was normally-> blah blah ramming deer-> freaky kid-> blur-> and they all lived happily ever after or some shit.

omg, 12:20 am. i have to go now or else my parents aren't gonna be happy. oh deary me, they're not happy as it is.

so long, all.

Kimo

What I'm listening to:

P.O.D.- Youth Of The Nation

Last day of the rest of my life
I wish I would’ve known
Cause I didn’t kiss my mama goodbye

I didn’t tell her that I loved her and how much I care
Or thank my pops for all the talks
And all the wisdom he shared

Unaware, I just did what I always do
Everyday, the same routine
Before I skate off to school

But who knew that this day wasn’t like the rest
Instead of taking a test
I took two to the chest

Call me blind, but I didn’t see it coming
Everybody was running
But I couldn’t hear nothing

Except gun blasts, it happened so fast
I don’t really know this kid
Even though I sit by him in class

Maybe this kid was reaching out for love
Or maybe for a moment
He forgot who he was
Or maybe this kid just wanted to be hugged
Whatever it was
I know it’s because

chorus:
We are, We are, the youth of the nation

Little Suzy, she was only twelve
She was given the world
With every chance to excel

Hang with the boys and hear the stories they tell
She might act kind of proud
But no respect for herself

She finds love in all the wrong places
The same situations
Just different faces

Changed up her pace since her daddy left her
Too bad he never told her
She deserved much better

Johnny boy always played the fool
He broke all the rules
So you would think he was cool

He was never really one of the guys
No matter how hard he tried
Often thought of suicide

It’s kind of hard when you ain’t got no friends
He put his life to an end
They might remember him then

You cross the line and there’s no turning back
Told the world how he felt
With the sound of a gat

chorus

Who’s to blame for the lives that tragedies claim
No matter what you say
It don’t take away the pain

That I feel inside, I’m tired of all the lies
Don’t nobody know why
It’s the blind leading the blind

I guess that’s the way the story goes
Will it ever make sense
Somebody’s got to know

There’s got to be more to life than this
There’s got to be more to everything
I thought exists

chorus

where can i donate to farmers? [edited]

I wouldn't want to live as a farmer. god, there are enough low lifed workers in the family.

I was up late and don't have a lot of energy because i think i'm sick.

I didn't like camp and if you don't want to read what I thought of camp, then you can piss off.

I was shitty on camp. I didn't like being away that week. Perhaps any other week I would have been fine, but I just didn't feel like it. Not to mention the fact that I felt manly sitting next to some people because of the way they could hold themselves so femininely. I felt as slobbish as the next person... if the person next to me was a bloke with a flannel shirt with a beer gut, slouching [slouching?? that's not the word, is it?] on his back rather than sitting on his arse.

I hate the fact that while we may or may not be comfortable in our groups, there are those that aren't in any and those that don't belong. I know of some at school and it saddens me. And I don't know what to do. perhaps there's nothing I can do but i just don't want to see columbine happen at our school. perhaps it will happen. and perhaps i'll say suck shit people, you all fuckin deserved it. or perhaps i won't. Here's a story:

One night at one camp some girls sat down to their evening meal which couldn't compare to their mother's cooking. As they sat down, the thought that there wasn't enough space to seat all had not crossed their minds and when they actually did realise, the ones that were left out were saddened. How could they forget us, they thought. They held back tears and sat at separate tables, but didn't think much of it. One has to get used to trivial matters to stay in a large group.

They moved on with their lives and although they knew it was bad, they did do some bitching and gossiping. Of course, doesn't everyone. And so from the view of an observer, they were cut deep, but what the fuck do i know? i'm just the writer.

If you don't wanna fuckin get hurt then look at what you're doing. but the fuck to that, you fuckin deal with your own problems and i will mine. Release your anger in any way you want and deal with it, but don't come near me. God, I've dealt with enough fuckin anger already.

Since you all can't fuckin see my view, i tried to make it simpler in this edited version. If you want to recount what I previously wrote, it's up too. So why don't you make the decision. God help us all, kick me out of the fuckin group if you can't stand my fuckin thoughts. And i'm different here, eh? do you know the insides of my head? of course I don't say everything I think outloud, coz who the hell wants to hear it all? You, when you come and visit my blog. God, why the hell do i bother with this? just looking back on what I've previously written, >i< wonder why you people keep coming back here. A list of my favourite songs? A couple of stories? Rants on little kids; trips to space; homework? god, no wonder i've fuckin stirred things up. Talking about something that actually matters, and the fact that you people can't hack it kinda shows something... that I should either change my perspective on the world or the topics I write about.

Kimo.

Sorry for expressing my opinion

where can i donate to farmers?

They shouldn't have to live in those conditions! :P i'm so rude, but i couldn't live in the country in some small hick town with one "general store".

God. I've was gonna type this up yesterday, but i couldn't be stuffed. well seriously, i had a cold with a temperature and all. And my calf muscles seem to have stopped working so i can't bend my knees, which are covered in bruises not to mention the fact that my sleep went like this: woke up at 7 am thursday morning. Went to sleep: 7am friday morning. Woke up at 8am friday morning. went to sleep: 12am friday morning[or night?] [or is it saturday morning?] and i woke up at 11am this morning and here we are. and i can't talk properly either. not man-ish yet, but getting there, i think.

Well I thought it was over-rated and i didn't have as much fun as everyone thinks they did. But i did learn quite a bit. yes, i did learn about snorkelling, horse riding, sailing and surfing, but i also learnt more about people. perhaps more than i want to know. well. i know of course that everyone here, or at least most people that read this blog are friends from school, but it's my blog and i'll speak my mind if i want to. and i want to. names aside, i'm gonna give you a load of my thoughts.

Well firstly there's me. Shitty. the first night i couldn't stand being away from home. I've never been one of those ppl that cry coz they're home sick but i was all shitty for being stuck with a bunch of wankers for 5 days. I'm not calling everyone a wanker, just the fact that i can't stand people in general. then there's living with them. I mean, i know i can smell, be annoying, leave crap everywhere, whatever, but that doesn't mean i don't get irritated by others. I mean, do u know how manly i felt sitting next to some ppl?? I felt like some slob with a beer gut in a flannel shirt burping and farting my night away. well, anyone would feel like that sitting next to a pussy lil annoying shit with stacks of make up with their hair loose and talking in that fricken voice that just shits me. I can't really say more without mentioning names and stuff, but i just can't stand them. sometimes. i mean it's not an all the time thing. I'm sure they must bloke up sometimes. surely. maybe?

Anyway, that's not it. what else was the rankings. rankings of groups. i hate it. I mean a friend told me that she didn't fit in. actually, come to think of it, 2 friends told me they don't fit in. well, i didn't know what to say to them and i just tried to switch the conversation around to something else. Well i went to bed thinking about it. I'm a bit of an outcast sometimes. I mean, there's the big group. then there's the sub group. In the big group, altogether, all's fine. but if the big group kinda breaks up, it's like there's: the girlies. the "active" [or energetic] ppl. the normal-even-headed ppl who have morals and sense. there's the chinese speakers. then, there's me. actually, that's the sub groups. so yeah. so i told my friend that and she laughed at me, but now she knows. and so do you. there's the background. now let me tell you all a story that may or may not have non fictional attributes:

One fine evening a group of girls sat down to their dinner. it felt as if lunch was hours ago, possibly because it was, but it also felt as if dinner should be illegal as it was only about 5 pm. who has dinner at that time, they thought. old, crusty people who go to sleep at about 7 and get up at 5 am just to do tai chi. so anyway, the girls sat down at their chosen table. greedily wihtout thinking of their friends. but they were like that. they don't think of the future and take t as it comes, which can be dim coz they don't foresee obvious problems in their way. so they sat and as they slowly, very very slowly realised there weren't enough seats to seat all 14 people, they yelled to pull up some chairs. of course, even with so many chairs, there wasn't enough table space for all. So the solution would have been to take up another table where everyone could be seaten comfortably, still in their group. But no. As mentioned, they were a short sighted group of girls who decided to just spread out across many tables to eat the meagre, under/over cooked food that was always queerly soggy. Of course this was a trivial matter that took place in only a few minutes, but haunted them for days.

That was just a small feature to their problems. They started to collapse internally. they gave each other nasty looks and slammed countless doors. They talked about each other to another while they were being equally talked about by another. They were prone to bitching, although they would always deny it. Who could pass up on some gossip, they'd always say, knowing perfectly well they could easily walk away from it all. It was easy to see this group of nice girls would be just as bad as the next with secrets. Anyway, blah led to blah blah [[i really wanna go play gunbound now]] and so they were cut deep. Perhaps it was the salt water, or perhaps it was inevitable the group were going to split up. So they all jumped onto a magic carpet and flew home.

As i said, there was some fiction and nonfiction in there, but still, maybe everyone should take a look at what they're doing and see the faults in their actions. Open your eyes and see what's happening guys and maybe you won't get as hurt. Just a little something from me. And before I go, how about trying to control your anger a little more. I mean, instead of taking out your anger on someone, take it out on someTHING, or maybe just cool it a little. I know i get angry and all, but it really scares me when other people are. I dno what it is. It's like i'm scared they're gonna do something to me or someone or like just hold some grudge for ages or something. maybe it's just me. yeah. go get angry. woo angriness. go. yeah.

Kimo.